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I almost forgot about today’s blog.

Just like another day, I went to the market to work, I wrote the articles as my side hustle, I responded to chats, rode my scooter from and to home.

The day was so bright, I couldn’t even locate any clouds above me. Everything seemed to be normal, except the heat and the fact that I ate so many today. And maybe that’s where the problem rooted.

Just like any other day, I showered before going to sleep. But something felt strange. And that’s it.

I forgot that today is the first day of July.

As I previously said in my post dated six days ago (June 25), I intended to launch AMAN today with the niche of snack review. Haha, a lame niche but seems like a joy for my tummy.

Alright, I’ll do it tomorrow.

I’ll just sleep today.

Btw, welcome to July.


Featured image credit: Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

Feel Sorry for You — June 30th 2020

We dreamed together,

we drew it together,

fell asleep upon the plan,

then we greeted

morning shine, then

We hugged each other,

grew ourselves stronger,

better, than ever,

knocked others out,

send others away,

as us:

is the only answer

for every prayer

on a dull Sunday,

on a lovely Monday

we waited for each other,

tickled each other,

laughed at

our

misery

Those all were done together

Because us:

Is the answer

For every prayer

On a cold night

On a breezy day

Even when the sun

no longer shines

We are ours

because us –

is the answer

for every prayer

after a long thought

after a long silence

she opens up her mouth

I feel sorry for you.

And for those words

After a long pause, once again

See myself in the mirror

I ain’t ‘us’ at all.

Photo by kevin laminto on Unsplash

‘I feel sorry for you’

Was the key

To break the answer

For every prayer

So that night

Becomes a night

Without an apparent end:

Too long, too tiring, answer-less…


Featured image credit: Erik Eastman on Unsplash

She Is — June 29th 2020

There she is, hugging the empty wind

walking without knowing where to unwind

There is no warmth belongs to her

She’s just so helpless, if you wonder

Photo by Minh Ngọc on Unsplash

She had just lost her speak

Because she refrained from doing a speak

Since she thinks everything of her

is gone; as he is nowhere to hug her

if you wonder, she’s just so helpless

when she wants to cry but instead smiles

she’s so lonely, she’s hurting

she’s no warmth, desperately needs a hug


Featured image credit goes to Oleg Ivanov on Unsplash

Viva la Vida – June 28th 2020

For several years, I have been trying to forget some parts of my life and I didn’t want to fall any further behind the events of any life. My parents were all gone for good. To be honest, forgetting those parts isn’t easy. Hence to spend time, I’ve been trying to gamble.

          Luck hit me right when I ran out of cash – I win that bet of a hundred thousand dollars. I quit gambling shortly after that, allocating my money to build my ‘corporation’. I’m coming back to criminality as one who sells women for filthy lovemaking, turning the whole village into a red-light district. It seems like a harsh economy isn’t capable to knock my business out. See, clients are abundant; as well as young ladies begging for jobs to me.

          Everything is smooth until there is this girl, looking delicate yet tough, bringing out her MBBS* diploma paper – strangely asking to work in my place.

          “I’ll do many things you want. I can abort pregnancies, I can do simple surgeries, I’m a versatile chess pawn,” confidently she said.

          There she is: ensuring no preggers-hormone in my workers’ urine, extracting immature head-limbs-torso from the womb, making the ladies pompous – that’s what she’s doing. She’s been working so well. So quick yet neatly done, so dainty yet so rough. Although I’ve been noticing there’s duality in her personality, I’ve been falling in love with her despite years separating us.

          But after I confessed to her, she’s starting to seductively bewilder, hence making the climax reachable: she’s up the duff with my baby; making me want to protect her at all cost. I want to give her all of me. So, I’m giving her all, including the business.

          Unfortunately, after months, her bump isn’t showing. Not even the morning sickness. I’ve been asking her about this, but she just smiles. After days, under the gleaming moonlight, she’s hugging me tight, French-kissing my lips, so deep… and after getting that strange aching feeling, I’m starting to lose my consciousness.

          On top of my fainting body, she’s singing Viva la Vida mockingly while showing an emptied syringe.

          ‘I used to roll the dice, feel the fear of my enemy’s eyes…

           Listen as the crowd would sing…

          ‘Now the old king is dead; long live the king!’’

Unspoken Birthday Wishes – June 27th 2020

It’s June 27th today. I have a bunch of friends whose birthday is on this day. But there is one I want to talk about. She was my junior high school bench mate for a short time before she was sent to attend the accelerated school (which took only 2 years while normally we took 3 years for junior high school). Shortly after that, we got separated. She attended classes from her air-conditioned classroom, while I was attending it from a so-so, old-fashioned classroom. Although we were studying in the same school, the lame jokes were all starting to disappear slowly yet sure.

Long story short, I went to the same university as her. She transformed from a hijabi, boyish student into someone more boyish yet smart: she was an engineering student. Of course, we never met at the university, but I remembered her quite well. Not only she was my first friend in that junior high era, but she was also the person that was funny and often made me cackle.

After finishing her undergraduate studies, she didn’t stop there. She got a scholarship to study in Taiwan; for the detailed campus name – well, I don’t know that far. I didn’t chat her at all but through her updates on Instagram, I knew she spent a good time there. Until that time she posted some sheet masks and other skincare products that she was selling, I had never contacted her, let alone chatting with her.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

I contacted her to buy those stuffs even though I didn’t need it that much.

You guys should know, I am not that person who cares a lot about my skin. It’s just my luck that my facial skin didn’t get stricken by acne whenever my stress level is high.

Yes, that was my way to get in touch with her. All after 8-9 years separation. After the purchase was made, our conversation stopped. As short as that. You may ask why weren’t I be the first to knock the door out. I also thought to do the same, but yeah – I was shy, and it is kind of uncommon to pop out of nowhere to kick-start a conversation. Moreover, we were separated for a long time.

Unless there is a junior high school reunion, I don’t think I am able to reach my friend easily. I decided to write this because when I went to work this morning, I tried to remember what date is today. When I realized that today is June 27, I felt a bit uneasy because I knew I had something ‘special’ with this date. Yeah, later I remembered that this friend is having birthday. But, as you guys might have guessed, I didn’t wish her at all.

Had she posted something like promoting her stuffs to sell like before, maybe I’d go to purchase something from her. Yes, I’m that kind of person.

Anyway, for everyone who is having birthday today, happy birthday!

Stay healthy, stay happy, stay alive!


Featured image photo credit: Pineapple Supply Co. on Unsplash

Rembulan Singkat Minggu Malam – June 26th 2020

Lihatlah betapa pendek sinar rembulan
di hari Minggu, hingga kaupun lupa
bahwa ia pun pernah menyinari hari
yang kauharap akan sangat panjang.

Tidak, tidak semua menuruti apa yang kau
katakan, karena hidup itu jahat senyatanya
dan menghidupi hidup itu sendiri melelahkan
pun hanya beberapa saja yang mampu.

Berjuta sisanya akan meninggalkan kita
lantas terlupakan seperti sinar kemuning
rembulan yang malas bersinar
di hari Minggu.

Esok, Senin akan tiba memeluk lagi
maka seyogyanya siapkan hidupmu
sebagaimana kami bersiap diri
atas segala kepasrahan diri.

Niche – June 25th 2020

Thinking about niche in a blog always makes me a bit overwhelmed. When I was starting my blog, I don’t even know what niche is – I just had heard the word somewhere without knowing its real meaning, let alone its meaning for a blogger. With niches, people seem to be divided into boxes, and viewers are usually rummaging through the box befits their interests. That’ll leave the non-niche worshipper out of the box.

Within the past two years (I made this blog circa 2018), I’ve been posting blog posts without a specific niche; but if one can draw the median line, then my blog will be that blog that posts blogposts about poetry, short stories, and random thoughts. That is true, but that was not my reason to start a blog. I started a blog to showcase my writing, despite its randomness.

So, to reduce my blog’s randomness as well as making the blog becomes multi-niched at the same time, I decided to make an introduction of AMAN to you. AMAN stands for A Month A Niche.

Don’t interchange that acronym with your neighbor’s name. I have one acquaintance named Aman too, btw.

In July, I’ll be doing some sorts of product reviews. To be specific, I’ll make reviews for Indonesian snacks.

Kind of Youtube-y, right? Sounds so. But — yeah, it’s just for fun.

Uncommon June Rain – June 24th 2020

I rode my scooter home wondering why there was a rain in June. Back then, there wasn’t any rain in this dry season month. Have this world gone lunatic?

Although at times I admired rain for the earthy scent it causes after it stops, today I grumbled over it. Why should it come at a time like this; when I needed to go somewhere?

June rain is not common, I repeated after myself; I was supposed to be born in a hot month. But this year, rain comes more frequently in June.

Are there any rules deleted, keeping the weather out of regulation?

If so, what happened to our earth? Is it caused by climate change? I know just a few about it. If the rain in June is utterly caused by that change, will I struggle to calm it down?

The answer is no. I will never be able to stop climate change – this world is too lunatic already.

I remember one of my college friends said, ‘I become crazier as I get older…

Ah, maybe that’s the problem. I got older. I got crazier. Then what links the crazier me to the climate change?

It’s so hard to find something that links me to that climate change. I don’t want to be blamed for the bad luck happening to this earth – even though I was the one doing it.

Ah! I got crazier.

Back then when I was 6: I sat in my class. As the class leader, I tried to be the best student that my friends would look up to. That really happened. I got the first rank, I got the title of class leader, I was loved by our teachers. In short: I was prominent!

I did what the teachers wanted us to do. I studied hard. I did my homework. I cried when I got 8/10 (this is for real). What caused me to do those? I was afraid. Yes, you read it right. I was afraid that the title of ‘the best student’ would be offered to someone else. I knew that ‘the best’ only needed one person.

Now that I got older, everything that was so idealistic went blurry.

I ignored rules, because – why should I? I also started to neglect what is right – what is wrong. I don’t care about it anymore as long as I can achieve what I want.

That’s how getting older makes me unable to admit to my faults.

That’s how getting older makes me indifferent to anything wrong in my surrounding.

Maybe that was why this world had gone lunatic – it’s because the people living on it had also gone crazier as the world keeps rotating!

So, should the world stop rotating, for the sake of sunny June?

Wait, why do I hear some yells of disagreement?


Featured image credit: Osman Rana on Unsplash

mama – june 23rd 2020

Campurkan sebutir sedih, secangkir bias senyum,

Sesendok marah, sepiring bendi

Tambahkan perlahan-lahan dendam panas

Lalu aduk hingga hidupmu bukan milikmu

Diamkan hingga meleleh semua

Lantas uleni semua hingga kau jengah

Isi hatimu dengan basa-basi

Kasih sayang,

Olesi dengan hadiah-hadiah di hari spesial

Karena sebuah rahim dan setetes susu

Penuh harga

Jauh dari harga sebuah kue

Kue hidupmu, aku tahu tidak bermakna

Apalagi mengenyangkan

Apa daya, kita hidup dalam sebuah oven, dan

Pembeli kami tidak suka cerita durhaka

Morning with My Cats – June 22nd 2020

Sleeping at mornings, curling in fetal position, purring, catching stuffs, running for preys…

Today is Monday. Not a good day for laundry. But I did it anyway. When I hang my clothes to let it dry, I see my cats are sleeping peacefully. As if there are no wars happening. All of a sudden, I feel envious. It’s so strange.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

There are four cats in my house. Most of them are black cats, with white fur that pop in minimum spots. Sometimes, I wish that my cats got lost because I hate it when they are barging into the house and rummaging the bin for something unimportant like fish or chicken bones. I mean, we gave you meats, didn’t we?

But sometimes, I felt so lonely without them. Although they don’t understand my words and just showing me their purr to respond, they are animals that make my house alive. My family isn’t that good. There are very few words we’ve exchanged with each other. For times I feel like they are also depressed. But I’m not a doctor to diagnose them.

Now sitting in front of my only one white cat, I start to think what do they feel about us. Do they feel what we’re feeling; do they know that we don’t talk with each other like we used to, do they feel that sometimes we’re so mean to them by letting them to starve?

While delving in such thoughts, those yellow eyes are awakened. The whitest cat in my house wakes up and he looks so wary. His pupils are narrowing, and he is ready to run, but he doesn’t.

I scratch his back, he yawns, he moans, he purrs. So cat. Then the other are coming, asking for my attention.

I’m their butler.